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14 March 2014 @ 10:56 pm
Rejoice, here is a masterlist to everything I've written revolving solely in the fanfiction universe. More for me than you, but hey, it can't hurt, right?

Aching Heart
Pairing: Bella Swan & Edward Cullen
Rating: K/T
Status: Complete
Summary: I fought the urge to place my hand over where my heart was, to hold in the wilting heart that threatened to spill out through the gaping hole in my chest as I stared at Edward, at the man that I loved.

Before He Cheats
Pairing: Hermione Granger & Draco Malfoy
Rating: M
Status: Complete
Summery: Hermione knew her revenge was kicking Ron where it hurt. But then again, revenge had never tasted so sweet, especially when Draco Malfoy was involved, so why stop?

Bound For Pleasure
Pairing: Kagome Higurashi & Inuyasha Taisho
Rating: M
Status: Complete
Summary: "Inuyasha, did you go through my room?" "No…you didn't push the box under the bed far enough." Maybe Kagome should have found a better hiding spot than under the bed.

Chasing Criminals
Pairing: Yuuki Cross & Zero Kiryu
Rating: T
Status: Complete
Summary: If Yuuki had the chance to clear the Academy, and the reputation of the vampire residents living there, she wouldn't hesitate to take it...even if it meant running after a Level E Vampire into a dark alleyway.

Pairing: Sakura Haruno & Sasuke Uchiha
Rating: T
Status: In progress
Summary: Sakura is about to find out if she has what it takes to be a dancer on the show So You Think You Can Dance, especially when up against her tango trained best friend Ino, ballet powerhouse Sasuke, and hip-hop extraordinaire Naruto.

Dance With Me
Pairing: Sakura Haruno & Sasuke Uchiha
Rating: M
Status: Complete
Summary: Nightclubs are not the best place to attract unwanted attention, especially in Sakura's case.

Gravity Happens
Pairing: Camille Gage & Moose Alexander III
Rating: T
Status: In progress
Summary: They have always been best friends, but when she dances, it's like she takes on a whole other persona. When he watches, he sees a side of her he can't resist.

I Need Your Blood
Pairing: Yuki Cross & Zero Kiryu
Rating: T
Status: Complete
Summary: “Zero, are you thirsty?” Yuuki asked. “No just give me a second.” A vampire's need for blood can only be supressed so long.

Let's Play a Game, Shall We?
Pairing: Hermione Granger & Draco Malfoy
Rating: M
Status: Complete
Summary: Draco sat there comfortably, waiting. He'd let Hermione do the job, and watch from the sidelines. He felt like a little boy about to watch porn for the first time. This was his porn, watching her drag information out of an unfortunate wizard.

No Longer Weak
Pairing: Sakura Haruno & Sasuke Uchiha
Rating: M
Status: In progress
Summary: That girl she used to be shattered when he left. In its place is the promise to her village to kill him, the emotional scarring of a failed mission, and the determination to rely on no one but herself. All of that will be tested when Sasuke comes back, demanding her help.

Pairing: Rachel Berry & Jesse St. James
Rating: M
Status: Complete
Summary: She loved him and that was all that mattered. That and the Grammy she planned on winning before she was twenty-five.

Pairing: Sakura Haruno & Sasuke Uchiha
Rating: M
Status: Complete
Summary: A second ago I was living my normal life. The next, I was in an alleyway, two people chasing me with the intent to kill me. But, somehow, I'd given them the fate that was meant for me. How I'd done it, I wasn't sure, but I was about to find out.

Struggle For What's Right
Pairing: Yuuki Cross & Zero Kiryu
Rating: M
Status: Complete
Summary: “I’m not leaving till you admit you’re hungry." "I am hungry but I refuse to drink your blood." So much hardheadedness is bound to lead to trouble.

The Story Of Us
Pairing: Ariadne & Arthur (Inception)
Rating: M
Status: In progress
Summary: a collection of one-shots based off random prompts from inceptionkink
    Prompt #1: Ariadne and Arthur bonding through one of them getting hurt by the enemy by capture, escape and then comfort with a lot of angst.
    Prompt #2: Five times Arthur made her laugh and one time he made her cry.
    Prompt #3: Arthur seduces Ariadne with his darker side.

Two Worlds
Pairing: Kagome Higurashi & Inuyasha Taisho
Rating: T
Status: Complete
Summary: Kagome thought one day her and Inuyasha would end up together, even if she didn't believe in clichés. It made perfect sense. They'd been best friends since childhood and she was willing to do anything for him, even give him her heart. She was in love with him after all. And then Kikyo came along and she could slowly feel her heart breaking. Takes place in high school.

Unwilling Juliet, Unsuspecting Romeo
Pairing: Sakura Haruno & Sasuke Uchiha
Rating: M
Status: In progress
Summary: a collection of one-shots based off the 100 prompt challenge.
PromptsCollapse )

You Did WHAT on the Piano?
Pairing: Jenny & Marco (from Fame, 2009 version)
Rating: M
Status: Complete
Summary: Jenny had never heard someone sing so beautifully before. The emotion he put into what he sang was breathtaking and amazing. At times it made her envious, and at others it made her blessed to even witness it.
Current Mood: productiveproductive
26 January 2030 @ 08:51 pm
Please be kind with your words
♫: Name's Sarah, what's yours?
♫: Comment that you want to be added.
♫: Most, if not all, of my postings are friends only, sorry. 100 Situations are public.
♫: For everyone that is coming over from FFN, I changed it to friends only! But I'll add you if you tell me who you are.
♫: I tend to be random.
♫: I also tend to have obsessions that cannot be helped.
♫: Sometimes I get really busy and don't post for days, but I promise I am not dead.
♫: For the pairings I write about check my profile. I'm constantly adding new ones so be hopeful!
♫: Have a great day! :)
Current Mood: happyhappy
001. Disease 002. Bathroom 003. Delirious 004. Autumn 005. River
006. Sunset 007. Relief 008. Silence 009. Night 010. Cry
011. Fair 012. Allergy 013. Death 014. Table 015. Early
016. Criminal 017. Play 018. Numbered 019. Fun 020. Full
021. Pack 022. Taste 023. Bleach 024. String 025. Flu
026. Court 027. Dark 028. Succeed 029. Truth 030. Lies
031. Business 032. Deception 033. Enter 034. Leave 035. Sneer
036. Gun 037. Office 038. Enemy 039. Father 040. Bastard
041. Furious 042. Accident 043. Joke 044. Benign 045. Insult
046. Call 047. Bonus 048. Inside 049. Outside 050. Traffic
051. Hand 052. Lock 053. Trust 054. Drugs 055. Trip
056. Smoke 057. Test 058. Survive 059. Hang 060. Commit
061. Polish 062. Brave 063. Cheeky 064. Rough 065. Struggle
066. Relocate 067. Misguided 068. Scatter 069. Bitter 070. Sweet
071. Aim 072. Lost 073. Confront 074. Forbid 075. Disaster
076. Creature 077. Organize 078. Elevate 079. Safeguard 080. Emerge
081. Wild 082. Fan 083. Sushi 084. Crash 085. Myth
086. Languid 087. Nocturnal 088. Blood 089. Pitch 090. Stash
091. Burst 092. Rush 093. Limited 094. Grim 095. Beautiful
096. Writer‘s Choice. 097. Writer‘s Choice. 098. Writer‘s Choice. 099. Writer‘s Choice. 100. Writer‘s Choice

This is table 2 from 100 Situations. Fandom is Naruto with pairing stated above in title.
Current Location: detecting...failed.
Current Mood: ecstaticecstatic
30 June 2013 @ 12:47 pm
I'm currently watching an interview with George R.R. Martin and while everything he is saying is so thoughtful and wise. One thing that stuck out to me and also kind of freaked me out is that life is short. Martin is getting pretty old and with that comes failing health and whatnot and he was talking about how he still had a lot he wanted to do in terms of writing. Writing alone. That doesn't include everything else he could possibly want to do.

I guess the reason that statement scared me so much is because I feel like I'm always pushing off my writing because I'm too busy and don't have time or I'm not motivated or I'm tired or I'd rather do something else. If I keep doing that, will I eventually be 90 years old with all of these ideas and no time to write them? Here Martin has been writing his whole life and he still has ideas he wants to write. What will happen to me if I don't do that?

Realization hits you at unexpected times and this is one of those times that'll sit with me for a long time I hope. I don't know what I'll do about it, but I think that writing on live journal and trying to finish at least one of my fanfic stories is a start. It's weird how much I've learned about writing in this one interview. I can't imagine the level of intelligence Martin has in thinking out every little detail of Westoros , as I often do with a lot of people. But what I've come to realize is that there will be people out there that are better than you and that's okay. I will never catch up to Martin in terms of writing because he is that great, but that doesn't mean I can't make my own little nitch in the world.

Another thing I really liked in the interview is when he said, "Art is not a democracy. You don't get to vote on art." It's so true. A lot of movies and books and music is based off of society's preference these days and it takes away from the quality. Remember that phase a few years back where everything was vampire this and vampire that? Yeah you do. Prime example right there. And it got so old so fast because everything was the same. I want to be different, write different, live different.

At least there's one thing I know I do different. I have the belief in strong female characters. Martin talked about how his female characters, and characters in general, are all so believable because they're human. Everyone has traits and are affected by their surroundings. There's no stereotypes. I hope to channel that in my writing...and maybe kill of a few characters too just to prove that I'm boss. And be more realistic.


I don't think I could ever join Buddhism. My friend on the program is, she joined a year ago, and she said that the one of the biggest things of Buddhism is that, "You're not supposed to have any bad feelings towards anyone." While I've heard her say some negative things about others, nothing ever too bad though, I still think she does a really good job of channeling this.

Me on the other hand would struggle. I would never voice things like that out loud, but I'm very observant and see things in people that others don't. Because of that, I feel like I'm more judgmental. A lot of times I want to roll my eyes at the stupidity of others, but maybe that's just here because I've been around these people for so long. We see each other all the time so we see each other at our best and worst. The story I was describing in the other post about how my friend got angry at me and it caught me off guard is a perfect example.

I'm sure she was just tired and cranky, or maybe that's just a part of her, but whatever it was I was bound to see it sooner or later. And I probably do things too that people don't normally see, but do here. So I'm seeing the 360 degrees of people and maybe that's why I'm more judgmental. It's different in college. You have a breather and see different groups of friends who see different parts of you. But here it all hangs out.

I really like these people, but it's tiring being around some of them sometimes. It could be worse though, a lot worse. I could have a really crappy roommate, but instead she's a sweetheart. There could be loud people or mean people or nasty people who don't shower (well, there is one guy who wears the same clothes multiple days and smells like he doesn't shower at times, but he's nice so who cares). There are people who I'm really going to miss when I go back and because I don't go to the same college as them I probably won't ever see them again. Sad as it is, it's probably true.

It's awful how distance does that to friendships. I always thought people gave more of a shit when it came to trying to stay in touch, but maybe it's just my friendships that suffer that misfortune. Maybe I'm not good enough or we didn't try hard enough or some other reason. I don't know. All I know is that the true friends are those who try. Friendship is a two way street.

I also feel invisible sometimes. I'm not loud so I don't draw attention to myself and sometimes I feel ignored or like if I walked away no one would notice. But I'm okay with that I guess because it just makes the people who notice me more important. They're the true friends. The ones who treat you well are the keepers.

Also I suck at proofreading (meaning I don't do it unless I'm really concerned with what I'm writing) so if you see any errors get over it.

George R. R. Martin Answers Facebook Fans' Questions
28 June 2013 @ 11:01 pm
I don't do well with people being angry at me. It catches me off guard and then I get frustrated which leads to the worst possible outcome, me crying. My anger level is directly connected to my tear ducts. I can't control it and it is the absolute worst.

My friend was kind of rude/angry/cranky with me today and it surprised me. I understand my mistake, but I don't think I deserved her attitude. There's a difference between politely/nicely asking someone to not do something and being an outright awful person about it. She was the latter and I didn't expect it because we're friends and you don't treat people like that.

I'm really tired right now and stressed. Chinese class takes a toll on us all. We have to wake up early (props to us because it's summertime) and go to class from 8:30-12 and then another class from 1:30-4:30 for culture/calligraphy (中国书法) and then after that we have homework and studying for our daily quizzes/studying in general because there are so many vocab words. Add in exploring the city, getting dinner, hanging out with Chinese friends, etc. and before you know it it's midnight. Then repeat repeat repeat.

Don't get me wrong, I'd do this program again in a heartbeat. I've learned so much because I've had to use what I learn to survive, but I'm so worn out that my friend's reaction was the last straw. Sometimes you just need a good cry.

I try so hard being nice to people. Most times it's not that hard, but there are moments that try my patience and loosen my tongue into a whip of fire. It's hard to do what's right, but I was brought up that way. Always have manners, treat others with respect, and be understanding. And even though I try my hardest to do these things, sometimes I'm still treated wrongly myself. Maybe I'm nice because I want to be wanted. I want to be the shoulder someone cries on, the ear someone talks off, the first person to be included in something or approached. Sometimes I feel like the extra, the third wheel, the tagalong. I know it's probably not true, but sometimes ingrained in me to think like that and it's fucking annoying to have that mindset. I'm too cautious, over analytical, worried about other people.

I'm still super happy here. I really like most of the people on the program and even the ones I get annoyed with I can deal with. I think it's more of the case that we've all been around each other for a month. There's only 18 of us, in a foreign country let me remind you, so we spend a good amount of time hanging out because what else are we going to do? It's not like we can walk up to random Chinese people that may or may not speak English and ask them to be our friends. While that could work, a lot of Chinese people I've come across are sort of clingy to the foreigners.

But some of them aren't like that and I'm glad I've become friends with those people.


So I've tried so many different authentic types of food and restaurants/eating places in the past week. I've had Tibet, yum noodles and nan (bread), Thai (curry in Sichuan (四川) is soooo spicy!), true Sichuan food, canteen food that the university students eat, egg tarts, frozen yogurt, chinese vegetarian food. It was all really good and while I felt like I was going to have a stomach ache after each meal (I didn't thank goodness! we finally got our toilet unclogged, don't want to ruin it), I'd totally eat it again.


I finally finished chapter 11 of No Longer Weak and I'm so happy/surprised by the reception I got from it. It's been so long since I've updated, and even longer since I started the story a few years back (I think? Has it been that long?!) and to think that people still read it and that new people are still checking it out amazes me. I feel like fanfiction has died a little bit, at least in certain fandom areas, but I could be wrong.

Whatever the case may be, I'm really glad people still read my story and just go on the website in general. Reading is a wonderful hobby and experience in my opinion. I always find energy when reading, and also writing, that I never have when watching a show or movie. There's this fear that I'll eventually go blind and lose my memory so I always feel like when I'm reading I'm exercising those parts. When I watch TV/stare at a screen it makes my eyes ache and my brain shut down as a zone out, but when I read I'm thinking and remembering back to earlier parts of the book and moving my eyes around at something more natural.

This summer I've really unplugged. No online games, not a lot of movies and TV shows (VPN+Hulu+shitty internet really get me angry and not the kind where I cry but the I'm going to throw you out the window), no phone since I have a burner phone that is so old fashion it doesn't even have a camera. The only think I use is my nook, my iPod for running, and my computer for homework/checking email/writing/reading. We don't even have our TV in our room plugged in.

I'm very against technology when you could spend your time doing more productive things, but it also makes me a hypocrite. My computer usually takes my priorities and butchers them with a chainsaw and I hope I remember what I've learned this summer in terms of keep my priorities straight by staying away from my computer or staying focused.

I wish I had dragons. Haha, I wish I wish I wish. Well one things for sure, I don't have to wish to be in China because I'm already here and I didn't get it through wishes but by working hard. Alright, enough words of wisdom that I'll probably chuckle at later while wondering why I was being so mushy.
22 June 2013 @ 11:44 am
Went to my first gay bar last night...in a foreign country. Talk about kickass. It was alright. None of the guys hit on me, but I saw my friend get groped a few times while sitting on this really good drink. I liked the waiter who brought it to me, he was adorable and accidentally gave me too much money back and then came around later asking for it back. The club was called MC, I'd recommend at least checking it out once on your way to an ever place: Lan Gui Fong (Lan Kwai Fong is the Canto name).

Lan Gui Fong is the place to go. It wasn't as amazing as the club from last week, but definitely more enjoyable without having guys try to take advantage/puke on me. There were a bunch of different clubs to pick from, all bright lights and pounding music, and it was like a plaza with a roof so you were technically inside but still outside. The first club we went to had almost no people, VSA Club I think, and I stepped in a suspicious liquid on my way in. Knew that club wouldn't last. We immediately left to find a more populated adventure. That's when we ended up at this club with family in the title. The Imperial Family something something I think. We had to go down these marble stairs and pass all these official looking waiters who stood in straight lines waiting for something. I'm not really sure what. Once inside it was great and then we danced. On this raised platform. It seems that finding higher things to dance on is becoming the weekly habit. I'm okay with that. This guy Drew who's gay danced with me and it was nice to be danced with for fun instead of with the expectation of getting something from me.

Speaking of dancing, my chinese friend (中国朋友-zhongguo pengyou) asked me why Americans dance so close. My reply was that because Americans are sluts. She didn't know what slut meant so I said it's because Americans like sex and everything imitating it. What I really wanted to say is that the people from my program that went out that night were all whores. And the guys in our group hopped around from girl to girl like a bee looking for honey.

Sometimes I feel pressured to be more like those girls just so that people notice me more. There are times that I feel invisible and it's not a good feeling. I think it's because I'm not that in-your-face kind of girl who always wants attention. But some attention at times would be nice. It makes me feel like people don't like me or are annoyed me, so I'm hesitant to be louder and more outgoing in fear of annoying people even more. All I want to be is nice, and not a slut, and still find a decent guy who isn't wearing beer goggles when he's interested in me. Why does it have to be so hard?

I want to write about all the times I tried to be nice last night, and all the times people were cranky back at me, but  I think it I do that then it's like holding a grudge forever. Every time I read this I'll think back on it and get annoyed all over again so I'll restrain myself. Not everyone is mean though. Ben is really nice, especially when drunk (I'm pretty sure he's been drunk since the beginning of the program a month ago). He's really nice in general and I think he's getting out of this phase where he unintentionally plays favorites. And he forces me to be more outgoing because I can't help but be sarcastic with him. And he pushes me into pictures if I'm standing on the edge feeling weird because the people are my friends but I'm not sure if they want me in it or not.

After the Family club, that's what I'm calling it now so if you ever look for it look for the marble stairs, we went to CC which was pretty fun. It definitely had the most foreigners because they give free drinks to foreigners (外国人-wei guo ren). I saw a guy who I swore was Rick from The Walking Dead. We invited him to dance and he looked to be having a lot of fun. I would've talked to him but I wasn't sure if he spoke English and our group wanted to go home since it was 3AM. Overall a good night, but I wasn't even tipsy enough to be super outgoing.


I'm really torn right now. I want to study Chinese (and be fluent already), but I also want to write. I found some new music (Birdy) and it's bringing back inspiration.


Something funny this morning happened. So our toilet keeps getting clogged even though we throw out our toilet paper (you do what you've gotta do). The guy came and unclogged it and I thought I was in the clear to take a #2 (I tried to limit the grossness) and you know where this is going. When it doesn't flush, I panic because it's so embarrassing. Since getting to China my #2s haven't looked normal. The food here goes straight through me, which makes me wonder how much nutrients I'm actually getting if my body isn't digesting as much. So he comes again, confused as to why he has to unclog it again .

Let me point out that me going to the bathroom isn't why it was clogged. It was clogged before ( I don't think he fully unclogged it the first time) SO IT'S NOT MY FAULT FOR BEING A HUMAN WHO NEEDS TO USE THE BATHROOM. And so he comes and I'm mortified and kind of trying to hide except he's talking to me and asking me if we're throwing the toilet paper away (pat on the back for understanding him in Chinese (he may have used some hand motions towards the trash too haha)). Long story short, I'm afraid to poop in China now.


Drew gave me some wonderful insight last night. We talked about how different Chinese culture is and how you get used to thinking like them. He's leaving next week to go back to America after being here all spring and summer. This is his home now and I can't imagine going back and feeling like the foreigner in my own native country. It'll happen at the end of next month, but I don't want to think about it. Things here are so different.

I always thought I was the kind of person to break out of the box, but Drew pointed out that in China you get rid of your box. There's so much you have to do to survive and along the way you learn first hand just how different people around the world think. Being in Chengdu means shedding all restraints that we have in America. Being a foreigner means you can do anything you want, and it's the perfect way to discover yourself. Chinese people (the nice ones) here don't care about your religion, anything except you're foreign, your language ability. They'll still be nice to you and help you and want to know you. There's no judging and it's a breath of fresh air. American culture (文化-wen hua) can be nasty and I dread going back to it, but at the same time we're all our own people, so whatever happens, my actions are still me own.

When I think about it, I'm actually glad I'm not slutty.
20 June 2013 @ 11:36 pm
I think it's always healthy to have a good cry. Wow, what a melodramatic way to start a post. It's been raining here for at least two and a half days so maybe that's why. Rain sure does make China look ten times dirtier, and me ten times more paranoid. There's nothing like watching a smiling parent watch their infant squat and pee on the sidewalk, RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF A BUNCH OF RESTAURANTS. So now I think of that when I see puddles.

On top of that, everything becomes soppy and drooping and grey. Nothing a few funny youtube videos can't fix. I'd recommend HowToBasics for anyone who would like a little humor, violence, and I-don't-know-why-this-is-happening.

I can hear some of the people on my program down the hall. They're a bunch of alcoholics. I'm glad I avoided that bandwagon a long time ago or maybe I'd be like them: sleep deprived, possible cancer in the near future, etc. etc. etc.

I kind of wish my roommate gave more of a shit about me. Why am I always giving and never getting? I'm sure that's not entirely true and I'm probably just being a brat, but it's nice when someone asks how something of yours went, you know? Even if it just means that they remembered, at least they're willing to take the time away from their own little world to learn about your own. Instead, my roommate spends all her time on all of her fucking electronics talking to her boyfriend. There's no point in coming to China if you're going to try so hard to be somewhere else all the time. All. the. time. I get that she misses him, but she literally talks to him every chance she gets, even if it means missing out on other things outside of the dorm.

Maybe I just don't get it well enough. Clingy isn't my thing. It never has been because I've always felt like no one needed me, so if I became too attached to anyone else I'd be setting myself up for disappointment and abandonment. I'm such a girl, confessing to this website that anyone can see like it's a diary. Sometimes I pretend like this will someday go somewhere. Like I have some insight that ten million other people haven't had in the past day and everyone will check in to see what's new in my world, what else I've discovered about my life and these places. And then I think about how silly that is. No one reads this and it's probably best. I can get mean, judgmental, ignorant, wanton, dramatic, the list goes on.

I'd like to say something about Man of Steel, but I can't think of anything, which is odd. I've been so far away from mainstream things for so long. It's better that way. I'm not good at keeping up with Youtube videos and that stuff. I want to go to this antique market soon and get a Buddha ring. I want to remember this trip when I leave, see the past every day on my finger, even if no one else but the other 17 people understand. No one will ever understand this experience of mine.

No one will understand how much I change every day, how much they change or should be changing. It's all about the experience. My ex-boyfriend ended up transferring colleges a semester after we broke up (not because of that though, I think) and when he unexpectedly came to visit a year after we lost touch, I saw how much he hadn't changed and in that, how much I'd changed. I was sad for him. He was going to be a junior and had still never been to a college party, not that that should matter, but I knew he was a little afraid of them and thought that maybe somewhere in that year he would've branched out a little. Tried something knew, made some friends that he wouldn't normally make, grown up a little and stopped making weird screeching noises. I kid you not, he made screeching noises. Instead he joined a language club without knowing the language at all, and was done after that.

Some people take longer to progress that others. Looking at people around me, I could definitely be seen as still progressing compared to others as well. He's happy with his life, but I wasn't happy with how different our lives were because I'd changed too much between when we'd first met and whatever point we were at.

I feel like sooner or later when I go back to read these I'm going to shake my head and wonder what the hell was going through my mind. I'll probably wonder if I was high at the time or drunk or listening to a good song or maybe a sad one. Then I'll contemplate deleting these entries because no one should be subjected to this kind of rambling, at least not from a 20 year old girl who still knows so little. And then I'll laugh because no one's going to read these and hopefully I don't delete these because I need to remember. If I forget how far I've come, then I won't believe in how far I can go, and which path to take, and that even if I take the wrong one, they all eventually end up back somewhere somewhat familiar. Not to be all philosophical and shit, but the leaves on the tree may change colors and fall off, but it's still a tree with the same roots.
16 June 2013 @ 04:48 pm
I've started this entry at least five different ways and I'm still not sure if it's right. I originally used this blog for my creative writing, but I need to start documenting everything else that's going on, especially my limited time spent in this crazy country called China.

There are things I wish I could take back. I think everyone feels that way about something or another, and yet I've learned so much from them. I feel violated, shocked at Chinese culture and at my own weakness. I feel exhilarated at everything I've accomplished and want to remember it forever. I feel like these are all pieces to who I'm becoming, but I don't know what to make of them. Maybe along the way in this blog I'll discover what the bigger picture is, maybe not, who knows. At least I'll remember, far beyond China and and the present moment.


I wish I had the courage to punch a guy in the nose. Specifically, guys that don't get the hint. There's nothing pleasant about having a Chinese guy wrench your head around and force his mouth on yours. I'm not expected romance, but as my friend said, there always has to be that awkward, shy hesitation before the first kiss. It's necessary. None of that happened last night.

To say I'm shocked at that aspect of culture here in China is an understatement. There's no respect for a woman here, foreigner or no. I never asked to be bought food and drinks, nor does that mean that if I accept them then I will allow you into my pants. And don't fucking follow us back to our dorm thinking that no means yes. No matter how drunk you are, no is no.

I think I've always had an issue with respect. Mainly I hate being talked over and ignored, because I'm not just spewing out meaningless words to hear myself talk like some people I know. It feels like lately more and more of that has been happening, so I've become quieter and more sharp with my words because I do have a brain and I will not let people think they can push me over.

Last night was the last straw. I'm an intelligent, sometimes cranky, but overall hard working person who did not deserved to be treated that way. My friends didn't either, and the fact that our two guy friends abandoned us shows how little respect they have for us. Well I don't want their respect, nor their protection, because the next guy that tries to take advantage of me will leave with a broken nose. I promise.

And then one of the guys, unfortunately sitting right next to me, threw up on the ground. I felt splatter. I hope he's still throwing up a good 12 hours later. That's what you get for trying to be cool, challenging every guy to chugging beer (note: the bottles are bigger in China), and only having Taylor Swift and Adele on your phone as American music (don't get me wrong, I like TSwift and Adele, but I'M A GIRL). At least he didn't follow us back, but his friend did. Nice dude he was, abandoning his friend and then following us into the dorm and trying to force my friend to get with him. And then he was kicked into a wall and told to leave. I hope all of his ribs are cracked. He deserves it.

Before all of this happened, the night was actually going really well. The club we went to was fucking awesome, and being foreigners means that no one is mean to us. Everything is brighter and louder and never ending. A lot of Chinese girls wanted to dance with us which I was totally okay with because all of the guys were creeps. Plus the girls had a really good jack and ice tea drink that they kept giving us. And the music was decent. And Chengdu weather at night is warm so you never need a jacket. Yes ladies (especially in New York), NO JACKETS.


So my birthday is tomorrow and since I'm going to be 20, a whole new era (at least in my mind) is starting. There's a lot I want to improve on, keep doing, and stop doing. For starters, a whole lot more broken noses.

Just kidding.

Maybe I'll make a list. Lists are cool. I like lists and organization. It makes me feel better and like I have control unlike in reality where things like this catch you off guard. But hey, at least I learned a lesson.

I hope no one reads this because I come off as a huge bitch. I promise I'm not.


As for all of my other writing, it's still going. I haven't had a lot of time lately and it feels great to start writing again. Motivation is brewing.
20 December 2010 @ 04:50 pm
Written for the prompt: five times Arthur made her laugh and one time he made her cry. I just couldn't resist the temptation of writing something fluffy and "aww" evoking.

The two of us, a perfect feature.Collapse )
Current Mood: goodgood